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初三英语作文 求修改 最好改成初中水平

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初三英语作文 求修改 最好改成初中水平
Sally Brown is a young woman who wants to be a professional singer.Now she volunteer her time to help others .As a volunteer ,she sings at a local hospital to cheer up sick people and sometimes sings at school.She had run out of money for singing lessons so she had to come up with ideas for making money.She put up signs asking for singing job and also called up parents offering singing lessons for children .The strategies that she came up worked out fine .Now she will be able to continue her lessons.
She believes that she will be able to become a professional singer.
初三英语作文 求修改 最好改成初中水平
hospital,schools用not only but also倒装.run out of money那句开头转折如however,unfortunately等还可以加一句or the voluntary help had to stop.make money的方法建议用first ---in addition或in the one hand,in the other hand-用上伴随状语--结尾believe前面加一个strongly 是不是更好呢?注意要分段,就这些了,