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求评雅思小作文,初次尝试,呼唤牛人,跪谢.

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求评雅思小作文,初次尝试,呼唤牛人,跪谢.
第一次写雅思小作文,完全不知道怎么写,就参照了范文尝试写了下,但心里一点底都没有,希望有大牛给我指点迷津,感激之情不胜言表.(第一次写,写的太难看别笑话啊)
是剑7的第一篇小作文.
The chart indicates the percentage of consumer expenditure by category of different five countries,namely Ireland,Italy,Spain,Sweden and Turkey,in 2002.
According to the chart,food,drinks and tobacco made up the majority of national consumer spending in these countries.Among these countries,Turkey and Ireland spent much more over 20% while other countries spent under 20%.The expenditure even reached 32.14% in Turkey and 28.91% in Ireland.
Next came the spending on clothing and footwear.In Italy they got 9.00% and 6.51% in Spain.Other countries’ expenditures were a little lower,but all of them were over 5%.
Expenditure on leisure and education seemed to possess the least.It is Turkey that spent most at a percentage of 4.35%.In other countries the figures were less than 4%.
To sum up,national consumer expenditure on food,drinks and tobacco were the most important spending in these five countries,and the expenditure varied from country to country.
求评雅思小作文,初次尝试,呼唤牛人,跪谢.
6分吧
简单句和复合句都有用到 但复合句可以再多一些 把两句有关系的简单句整合成复合句 做到信息整合和选择 然后总结 要有比较 语法词汇没有错 分数就不会太低