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给英语作文打分请指出文章的错误,再打个分数.满分(25分) Dear Sir,I am writing to you f

来源:学生作业帮 编辑:搜狗做题网作业帮 分类:英语作业 时间:2024/05/04 03:47:09
给英语作文打分
请指出文章的错误,再打个分数.
满分(25分)
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you for the mobile phone of Dephone-S250 I bought on 20th Apr.2008 at Tele Mall in Wuhan,P.R.China.But I’m sorry to tell you that this mobile phone has some problems.It can neither bell nor can set messages.So I went to some shops to see if there are any mobile phones the same as this.However,I only to be told that these products had been sell out already.So I haven’t got a new on yet.
This mobile phone of Dephone-S250 I bought is in a new style.It has no spare part and it can’t be fixed in any mobile phone shops.
I’m a bissinessman,it is very unconvenient for me without the mobile phone.So I hope your company can change my mobile phone as soon as possible.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely yours,
Bu Manyi
给英语作文打分请指出文章的错误,再打个分数.满分(25分) Dear Sir,I am writing to you f
第三行,去掉第二个can(罗嗦)
set messages改成sent messages
第四行are 改成were any mobile phones 后加as only to be told 加was
第五行sell 改成sold on改成one
第七行shops 改成shop(强调任何一个)
第八行最后一个the改成a(泛指没移动电话不方便,不是那个有毛病的)
最高分可能17到19分吧
我的英语不是非常好,所以,找的可能不全不准.见谅!